Lovability

Ponder with me a moment the following questions:
What makes someone lovable?

Is it the things they say?  How much they love other people?  Is it what they do, their actions?

Now ponder the opposite:
What makes someone unloveable?

Is it because they are unkind?  Or controlling, annoying, angry all the time?  Is it because they don't like other people and let everyone know that they don't?

And a final question:
If they love me are they more lovable?

Really ponder those questions for a moment.




As I have thought recently about the subject of lovability, I have had a shift in my thinking.  Guess what:  What makes someone lovable is that you choose to love them!  That's it. It isn't about them, it's about you!  Love is a choice.  Wow!  Isn't that empowering?

Our brains are really good as seeing what we don't like.  They have to be to help us survive.  We need to know what dangers there might be; we need protection from something that would kill us or cause us hurt.  It's much harder for our brains to look for things that we like.  So it's easy for our brains to go to that place of annoyance with other people, in seeing things in them that bother us.  It's easy for us to feel negative emotions and much harder for us to see the good.  But not impossible!  In fact we are told that "Men are that they might have joy."  We would never be told that if it wasn't possible to find joy every single day.  What I'm trying to say is that none of the negative emotions we feel will ever feel as good as love feels.  You have the choice, and you can always choose love. 

I know what you are thinking.  Sure, in theory that is great, but what about in practice?  Is it possible to really love every person?  What about that person who betrayed my trust over and over again?  What about that authority figure who abused their position and violated many individuals?  Is it really possible to love them?  Are they really lovable? 

The short answer, YES!  Every person on the planet is 100% lovable!  Exactly as they are.  They don't need to change, or repent, in order for you to love them.  If I'm not loving them it is me not being able to let go of my expectations of how I think they should be. We can't say, well, I will love them more when they repent. Or when they stop using drugs.  Or when they are kind back to me.   It is up to us to drop how we feel other people should be and just feel love.  Guess what?  Not loving someone else doesn't punish them, it punishes us.  And, Loving someone else rewards us, not them.  Isn't that a crazy thought?  I will receive the reward just by loving someone. 

Loving them doesn't mean we don't protect ourselves or have consequences or condone their behavior.  Just because I love them doe not make their abuse right, does not mean the killer does not have to receive consequences for the choices they make.  Loving someone is an act within myself that brings peace to my life, understanding to my soul.  Love is the closest thing we can do to becoming like God, to having a heart of understanding like His. 

Years ago I had an experience that change me through my very core.  I was having a conversation with someone who's actions had hurt me tremendously.  Those actions had affected every aspect of my life.  I was working through the healing process, working through forgiveness at the time of this conversation.  This individual was once again sharing how their weakness had taken over, how they had failed themselves and me once again.  At that moment I was blessed with a gift.  I was able to see this individual as Christ saw them, with all their flaws and weaknesses, with all the hurt they were feeling for their own sins. And I saw how Christ was able to love this individual with a deep understanding of all of it, and because of all of it.  I was filled with that same love.  I was able to love this individual for who they were exactly as they were.   I loved them for how far they had come, for what the eternities held for them.  I say the whole picture.  I saw how all their weaknesses made them who they were. I saw how this was what taught them how to use the atonement and come to love Christ in a personal way.  And I loved them!  Despite the immense pain I had within myself, I loved them! 

There is so much more to other peoples stories than we will ever understand.  But Christ understands it all and loves them.  And He asks us to do our best to do the same.  Every person's journey to Christ is so personal.  We don't understand how Christ is using their weaknesses or struggles to help them understand Him and His atonement.  We don't understand that person's internal struggles and how far they might have come.  Yes, even the sexual predator down the street.  We don't understand their heart and their struggle to overcome.  But Christ does,  and I trust Him.  And if He tells me to love all man, I will do what I can to obey that command.

One more thought.  If every person on this planet is lovable, that has to mean one more thing: You are 100% lovable.  Exactly as you are.  It has nothing to do with other people.  It has nothing to do with how much your parents loved you while you were growing up or how they treated you.  It has everything to do with a Loving God whose child you are.  Your worth is infinite and has nothing to do with the skills or talents you acquire in this world.  You are lovable simply because you are you.  By simply making the choice to believe I'm 100% lovable, I will feel loved.  No one else can make me feel loved but me, by my choice to feel it.  Even when I ask my Heavenly Father if He loves me, it is my choice to feel it or not. 

I testify that every person you come in contact with is 100% lovable.  Even that child who rebels against your teachings and leaves the standards you instilled in them.  Even the crazy neighbor next door who keeps you up all hours of the night with their noise.  They are lovable.  You have the power within you to choose to love them.  If we approach the world with love, how much different would the world be?  If we approached each individual with the thought "What would love choose?", then we will always know the right answer on how to behave.

I have one more challenge:  When you are in a situation where you have to interact often with someone you struggle with, don't leave that relationship until you love that person.  Why?  Because the people who challenge your ability to love increase our ability to love.  It is not for them, it's for you. By no means am I'm not saying to stay in an abusing relationship until you love them.  You still need to protect yourself from harm.  Maybe a better way to say it is complete Healing of the soul only comes when love is in place. 

I love you all!